


Poison in Paradise

by Enalith



Series: Infernum [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi, The Dark Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-02-15 06:05:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13024824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enalith/pseuds/Enalith
Summary: Set after "The Last Jedi", Rey leaves the Resistance in order to complete her training on Ahch-To. She soon discovers that the Past is calling for her to find out the truth about the Skywalker Legacy in order to save the Galaxy from an unmerciful fate.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to "Poison in Paradise", a story that has no uneccesary tags which could spoil the story away. Enjoy!

**Ahch-To.** The paradise of a broken heart. The grave of once the greatest Jedi master. A haunted place by The Force. But most importantly, the only place that made her feel like _home_. Rey, a nobody, an orphan, a mistake, has found no place this close to her heart other than here. She had high expectations of her journey when she came on this planet for the first time. Luke Skywalker was a legend, she expected memorable moments along him, hoped that he will teach her all she has to know about who she truly is and this power that she recently discovered, but it was all in vain. _Expectations, they break your heart in pieces then at the first glimpse of hope, it assembles them back together. But with what price? That of failure, of shame, of rage, that of the road paved with tears towards the Dark Side of the Force._

  
She realised she had no place among the few people remaining of the resistance. Their hope was destined for failure, or maybe time will prove her otherwise. Now, that she was in the same position as Master Skywalker, she understood him like nobody else, why he left everything behind and retreated here. It was his own Paradise that he left as inheritance to his last apprentice, Rey. He left her the fresh smell of the grass in the mornings, the rays of sun that blessed her heart with joy, the sound of waves crashing down the shore, the peace she longed for her whole life, the dark caves that were cold and wet and hid secrets known by nobody else before, the clouds and thunders, the cold, the night, the sorrow of failure and disappointment. He left her everything. The Light and the Dark path, and her mission now was to find balance within them for where is one, the other is destined to follow. She had to complete her training.

  
_Alone._


	2. Master and Apprentice

_Breathe. Just breathe._ Her former master’s words wandered her mind like a shadow. She needed to start all over. Rey was aware now of her power and how strong it was, but she was weak at the same time because she knew not how to control it. She tried to meditate in the same place she had her first lesson with Luke. Days have passed but she did not regain her peace of mind that she needed in order to properly start her training. Why was she weaker now that she has nobody to look up to?

 

Those horrid images of the war she was part of kept coming back at her every time she closed her eyes. _Breathe._ But she couldn’t keep them shut for more than mere seconds. Sleep was a curse, as was the loneliness she knew she had to battle against, but felt she had nowhere else to go. She looked at both of the Suns that were soon to be replaced by the cold, dark night. The dusk was a privilege for her as it was the only event of the day that gave her hope for a new beginning. _One day_ she will become a true Jedi.

 

 _Am I destined to rise? Am I destined to fall? Please, Master Skywalker, give me a sign._ He was the only one that would have been able to be there for her. Help her. He was her master after all. But every time she called for him, she hit a dead silence, a wall of nothingness. She began to doubt him, herself, everything. Somewhere, far away from this place, her friends were hiding from the reign of the First Order and their new Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. The mere thought of his name brought her disgust, anger, hatred, clouded her mind and made her feel betrayed.

 

_I was betrayed by my own foolishness. For a short time I had hope that there is good in him, that he can be saved. I was so wrong, I’m ashamed to even think of it. But here I am, talking to myself on a deserted island, with no human contact._

 

She climbed off from the rock and sighted. Another day that passed, another thorn in her heart as hope began to fade away. _Tomorrow_ she told herself. She went inside the cave that once was her master’s chamber and fired up the wood. _Tomorrow._

 

* * *

 

_“There is no emotion, there is peace._

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

_There is no death, there is the Force._ ”

_“Beautiful words” she told herself. "Is this like a philosophy or some sort of?"_

_“Your very first lesson is to learn how to speak properly, apprentice. War, chaos, are no excuse for you as a Jedi. The very first rule is to show respect towards The Light and The Dark. You represent a new beginning, Rey. The old ways of the Jedi were wrong, for we accused that only a Sith would deal in absolutes but we did the same. It’s called hypocrisy and we were masters of it.”_

_“I understand.”_

_“You don’t. You are just a child with tremendous power. You and Ben are the same. I failed him, but I intend not to fail you as well.”_

_“You didn’t, Master. Stop blaming yourself for his own mistakes and his own weakness.”_

_“Your ability to disturb my inner peace with every word you say is fascinating.”_

_“What do you mean?” Rey was confused, did she say something wrong? “I’m sorry, I didn’t mea…”_

_“Stop! Listen to yourself, the way you express your thoughts. Do you like it? You rush along your feelings. Breathe. Just breathe. You are wise but you need to show it as well when you open up to talk. Choose your words, think before you speak.”_

_Rey wanted to say something but changed her mind. She didn’t rush anymore to answer him, seeing what he truly meant. Patience and wisdom were the key. She was determined to follow his lead. “If I am to become a Jedi Master myself, I need to learn to speak like one.” This was her thought only but Luke heard it._

_“I am impressed. You are already making progress, child. Good bye for now.”_

 

* * *

 

 Rey woke up in the morning almost as tired as when she went to bed. She tried to remember if she dreamt something but she was almost sure it was a dreamless sleep. _Master Skywalker, please guide me through the Force today._ It was like her own prayer but she always hit that silence of uncertainty. Maybe he would answer her one day. 


	3. There is no Emotion, there is Peace

_I seriously doubt my sanity out here._ These were Rey’s first words when she arrived on Ahch-To after Master Luke died. And she kept repeating them every time she met an obstacle in her path of gaining greater knowledge. Why was she doing this to herself? She knew where to find the Resistance, but was afraid of doing so. What if Kylo Ren would reach for her again? She needed to learn how to block him, but for that she had to start somewhere, even if her enthusiasm was slowly fading away. Rey was falling to pieces by every moment she spent there and she knew the consequences, but something kept her from leaving.

She closed her eyes again, on the same rock, on the same cliff as her former Master. She believed for it to be sacred. She knew that every time she was to start meditation, the turmoil would follow and she would get distracted. But this time she was wrong. For the first time she found her lost inner-self and slowly began regaining her truest power of them all, _hope._ She felt _alive._ The Force was flowing through her fingers at first, but soon her whole soul was to be injected with this sweetest poison of them all.

Time passed by and she felt it not. She became addicted to this state of calmness that she never felt before and thanked the Universe and The Force for allowing her to exist there, in that moment.

 

* * *

 

_She opened her eyes. It was sunset already, she must of really got carried away, but she was happy. She took in a deep breath and got up but something was off. She felt lighter and there was no interaction between her and the surroundings. She turned around and there she saw him, meditating just as she did before. He was so peaceful, it was the first time she saw him that way. There was no trail of Darkness on his expression, there were no scars, just serenity. He was younger, his hair slightly shorter and was dressed up in clothes similar to hers. Was this a vision from the past, from when there was no Kylo Ren, just Ben Solo? Why would she see him there? She forgot about her moments of inner peace because she felt fascinated by him. Her soul became heavy and felt an urge to touch his face with her fingers but hesitated._

_He slowly opened his eyes, looked through her and remained silent. Rey’s heart began racing, but she was aware he couldn’t see her. None of this was real. Ben looked behind him and then she saw Master Skywalker, saying something to his apprentice. She couldn’t understand him, the words were scrambled and barely audible. Ben got up and turned around to face his Master, bowed before him and then left._

 

A shiver brought Rey back to reality. _What was this?_ She felt she had this vision for a reason, but she just couldn’t put her finger on it. Why did she see Luke and Ben on the same island that she was and why didn’t she understand what Master Luke told him? It was still day-time there, in the own reality that she was living. She knew she had to find her answers so she closed her eyes again. Ben’s face appeared to her almost instantly. They were back to the same place, but this time she didn’t see herself as part of his world. And as fast as his image appeared, so it disappeared. _What? No!_ She wanted to see him again but it didn’t work anymore. Her mind was no longer focused.

 _Why? Why out of all people I had to see you?_ She sworn revenge on him for killing Luke Skywalker. She despised him, felt hatred for him but in those moments, all those emotions were forgotten and replaced by something else, something that scarred her deeply. She let out a long sight. Rey knew what she had to do next and she wasn’t going to resist the temptation.

 

* * *

 

There she was, once again, in the same cave that Luke told her to never visit. If before she searched for her parents’ identity there, now she wanted to find out more about her vision. This time it was pitch black. Rey tried to adjust her eyes to the absence of light, but failed. She was _afraid,_ how would she go back if she cannot even see where the exit was. _Will live and tell_ she told herself. She hoped that by a miracle she would see Ben here and guide her way. Him to be the one to bring light to her when she needed it most. Her mind began searching for his, hoping on achieving a Force Bond, but she had no power.

 _Hello? Anybody there?_ There was no echo. Just her voice heard in the nothingness she was surrounded by. It began to feel like an eternity. Down there, Rey didn’t exist anymore for she was just another trapped soul.

  _Please, Ben, if you can hear me, help me, I am lost._


	4. There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge

“Ben, this is aggravating. You are going down a path that will bring your end one day. As tempting as the ways of Sith are, the Jedi will be there to fight against. Do not sign your own death sentence. Your parents trusted me with your life and it is my duty to protect you until the end. I will not let you fall in the hands of the Dark.” These were the words of Luke Skywalker that Rey heard while the darkness that surrounded her faded away like smoke. It was the same scene as in her vision, only they were now at what she assumed to be the Jedi Temple. She didn’t recognize the place, but somehow, she understood beyond what was in front of her eyes. Ben Solo looked at his master but didn’t say a word. Instead he bowed with respect and went inside what would now be the main entrance to the Temple. Luke let out a sight and chose to go down the stairs. He needed a moment alone with his thoughts.

Rey followed her Master, knowing that he would not be aware of her presence. He took firm steps and his heart was as heavy. The ignorance on the boy’s face when he confronted him was not going to be forgiven. It was enough. Luke blocked out the thought that he is the son of his sister, that his blood runs through Ben’s blood as well. He will not show mercy and in the name of a greater good, will put an end to all of this. Rey didn’t see him talking to himself, but she felt his intentions, heard his malicious thoughts. It was a shock for her, especially that Master Skywalker, when confronted with answers to her question, told her it was just an impulse of the moment, not a premeditated action. She knew what would follow, but she had to see it with her own eyes, she had to know the truth. Rey looked one last time at Luke then ran back at the Temple, at Ben.

She followed her heart and found him in a dim lit room which she thought would be his own. He was standing at the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor but his mind wandered somewhere else. She felt his emotions like they were her own. Oh, bless anybody not to feel the sadness he had in his heart. It shattered him in millions of pieces that his own uncle didn’t understand him, that he was too drawn in the old Jedi ways to see the necessity of a change. Ben Solo wanted to be that change. Rey, out of all people, understood him the most. She felt powerless, she wanted for him to see her so she can assure him that everything will be alright, that he is not wrong, that it was not him at fault but the lack of acceptance of the new ways for Luke. She couldn’t. He just stood there and at one point, he closed his eyes and fought back his tears but they escaped unwillingly. Rey kneeled down in front of him and at one point, she reached out for his face and touched him for mere seconds with her fingers, whipping a tear away. **And he felt it.**  He suddenly opened his eyes and became alert. He looked around but saw nobody and felt nobody’s presence in the room. She felt him confused but he dismissed it quickly as an act of his own imagination.

He got up and went to what she thought would be a drawer. He opened it and there were two pieces of parchment which seemed to be as old as time. He carefully got them out and went back to sit at the edge the bed, opening up both of them and reading them out loud. The first one said:

 

** -The Code of the Jedi- **

“ _There is no emotion, there is peace._

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

_There is no death, there is the Force._ ”

 

And then he read the other parchment:

 

**-The Code of the Sith-**

_“Peace is a lie, there is only passion._

_Through passion, I gain strength._

_Through strength I gain power._

_Through power, I gain victory._

_Through victory, my chains are broken._

_The Force shall free me."_

 

He stole both of the parchments from the temple while his Master left him to wander alone. He did it with no ill intentions but if he wanted to be the creator of a new philosophy, he had to be the one to have knowledge of both of ways. Ben was a dreamer by heart and once he would become himself the Master of the Light and Dark, he knew that Master Luke would finally understand him and would help him build a new Galaxy, a spiritually balanced one.

 

* * *

 

 Luke Skywalker was a man with an unchangeable will. He knew that being a Legend meant sacrifices and this time he had to do the greatest sacrifice of them all, take his nephew’s life in order to prevent Evil from spreading. The boy had much potential, but his raw power, left on as legacy from his grandfather, Darth Vader, sacrificed his humanity and drove him on the Path towards the Dark Side of the Force. It was the middle of the night and the time to put an end to all of this. Dying this way, before his journey would be complete, would save Ben’s soul and this is what he cared the most about. He sworn to Leia that he will protect her son and this is what he was going to do this time. She would understand. She had to.

_There is no emotion, there is peace…_

He was ready.

 

* * *

 

Ben was asleep in his room and Rey was his guardian. As she expected, with swift movements, Luke entered the room and for a few moments, all he did was stand by the bed of his nephew. She felt how he was slowly losing his control as his will of carrying on his task. He did not want to do it anymore. He would have no excuse for such gruesome act, he didn’t want him dead, he wanted him saved. _There are other ways that I can help him with._ Rey heard his thought and felt relieved but immediately heard another man’s voice as well, communicating with Luke through telepathy: _There is no emotion, there is peace. You are the Grand Jedi Master, a Legend. Kill him and the Glory will be all yours, fail to do so and you will suffer the consequences of your own weakness – the end of the Jedi reign._ Luke was fighting it. His hand trembled on his lightsabre and tried to block out the other voice in his head. _No, this is not right! He is my blood!_ Luke was being tortured mentally by an unknown force and he tried fighting back, but the power was far too great. _There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no emotion, there is peace._ The stranger’s voice was repeating these words over and over again. Rey felt Luke slowly losing his touch with his own feelings and reached out for his sabre. He was going to do it and there was nobody to stop him anymore. The Jedi code was above all, it was the rule of the Universe and it had to be followed. One last look at Ben Solo, a mistake of the Force, brought out to light his passion for the one true Law of the nature that he gave his soul to in exchange for power. Ben was not aware of any of it. He was sleeping so peacefully and Rey knew that she didn’t have any right to interfere, but the moment Luke prepared to strike down his nephew, she yelled at Ben “ ** _WAKE UP!_** _”._ And he did, managing to block out his uncle’s attack. He didn’t believe his eyes at first, too much in shock to comprehend the betrayal of his own Master.

The Grand Master, Luke Skywalker, might have failed that night to kill his own apprentice in the name of the Jedi code, but he managed to destroy the most precious gift that Ben had. _Hope._ That night, Ben Solo, the apprentice with power of will to change the future and bring an end to the philosophy of war, died at the hands of his own uncle and Master. Instead, a vicious killer with no remorse and under the vow to have no peace until the very last Jedi fell at his feet, struck down by his own lightsabre, Kylo Ren, was born.


	5. There is no Passion, there is Serenity

“Oh, who is this handsome young man? Another of your apprentices?”

“You could say that. He is my nephew actually. The son of Leia Organa and Han Solo.”

“The famous smuggler? That’s a background story.” The man laughed, but Ben did not and neither did Luke. It was a sensitive matter, for others to talk like that about his father.

“Apologies, did not want to say anything wrong. I’m Revan, boy. And you?” The man continued.

“Ben. But is your name really Revan? Like, **the Revan**?” Luke told him before the legend of the former Jedi Master, Revan and his fall to the Dark side, only in the end to be redeemed and be honoured by the Republic as a war hero that stopped the Sith under Malak’s control.

“Clever, you know history. I didn’t expect any less from my comrade and best friend, Luke. Supposedly my parents really liked the story that they thought of honouring him this way. But I assure you, I do not intend to follow his footsteps.” The man laughed again and this time, Luke joined him, patting him on the back, but Ben only gave a polite smile.

 When he agreed on being the apprentice of his uncle, he knew that others would ask him of his origins and once he was to mention the name of his father, everyone would go “the famous smuggler”. He hated him for it, he never was a good father, he was all the time gone in his “galactic adventures” as Han called them and left him and his mother at home, alone. Leia’s tears didn’t matter much to her husband and their son felt helpless because of it. Becoming a Jedi meant he would have no family, he would be free to follow his own path without depending on anybody else and Ben loved the thought of it.

“Revan, Ben, let’s go inside. We will give you a tour of the temple and then let you rest. Tomorrow you start your training.”

 

* * *

 

In the middle of the night, by the time everyone was asleep, Ben was in the main study room. From the moment he first laid his eyes on them, he felt they had to become his. They were so beautiful, emanated so much power and soon became the source of his strength. He began visiting them every night, but unlike the previous times, tonight would be a special one, he would make them his property. He knew it was wrong, he knew he was breaking the rules, but he had to do it. He was going to steal both of the codes, that of  the Jedi and the Sith, from the Grand Library and replace them with exact copies, carefully made by Revan.

He read the boy’s mind since he first began thinking about them and approached him in an elegant manner, away from the other students that could hear their conversation so he doesn’t get scared away:

_“Good evening, apprentice. May we have a talk? I feel something is bothering you.”_

_“It’s nothing.” Ben rushed to answer, he did not want any lecture from this man. “Especially that everything we would talk would arrive at my uncle’s ears” he thought but of course the man heard him._

_“I assure you that nothing you would ever tell me would be your uncle’s matter. I know how controlling he can be sometimes, he’s been my friend for so many years, but my job here is to temper him.”_

_“I will pass the offer, unfortunately. But thank you.”_

_“You’re thinking about them, don’t you? About the Codes.” There was the elegant approach that Revan hoped for but lost his patience trying to play along so he went straight for the subject. Ben froze and his heart began racing, unable to say anything else. He knew and he didn’t trust him. There was no point in trying to lie to the old man, but he wasn’t going to admit anything either. So he remained silent._

_“Wise boy. I admit, I underestimated you but now I am glad I did. They call for you for a reason and you want to find out why but let me spare you the waiting time. It is because of your grandfather, the mighty Darth Vader, ruler of the Darkness and the Empire’s strongest leader that he left this raw power that you have as a legacy. Luke has it too, but he chose to ignore it and to close this door, not knowing that he actually opened a new one. For you.”_

_“You are talking nonsense. I don’t understand anything.” It was all too new and too much for Ben to process. He felt like in a dream._

_“Join me in my room and I will show you what I mean.” Revan’s piercing eyes had a controlling effect on Ben every time he looked at him. He didn’t hesitate so he followed the old man. They chose to go by a hidden corridor so they don’t draw too much attention to the other pupils._

_Revan’s room was unlikely Luke’s. Ben didn’t find the call for Light like he did when he visited his uncle’s. Here he felt different, he felt powerful, he felt passionate, he felt **alive.** Revan watched carefully the young man’s face expression and smirked. It was going to be as easy as he predicted it. _

_“You have fire in your eyes, Ben. That is the real you, you have a dream, you want to become the Master of the Light and Dark, don’t you? Rule the Galaxy, surpass Luke Skywalker’s fame. You want to prove him that you’re better, more powerful, worthier than he is. Or am I wrong?” Revan’s words were carefully calculated and hit every weak spot that he had. Ben took in a deep breath and then spoke._

_“Who are you? And why are you torturing me this way?” His voice trembled and he tried to hide it but failed._

_“Patience, my child. Patience.”_

Ben was brought back to reality by a distant noise that made him jump backwards, afraid not to get caught. He checked with the help of the Force if there was anybody around, but no. The room was empty. He then carefully replaced both of the ancient parchments with the fake ones made by Revan and left, walking down the same hidden corridor that he knew now by heart. He felt like betraying his own uncle and Master in a way, hiding from him and lying but he was just following his heart. All he had to prove to him is that he can be trusted and he can bring an end to the idea that the Sith and the Jedi were enemies. No, The Force was one, used by both sides and like the day that was always followed by the night, so was the Light that could not exist without the Dark.

 

* * *

 

“You seem disturbed, Ben. I am worried.” Luke’s words were betrayed by his voice tone as well.

“I am fine, uncle, don’t worry.” He tried to hide it, but his mind was elsewhere, he felt so guilty for going behind Master Luke’s back, betraying his trust like that.

“Remember, there is no passion, there is serenity. The key in order to achieve your goals is to not let yourself influenced by your emotions. Feelings can be our worst enemy or our greatest help. We need to look beyond what lies ahead in front of ourselves.”

Ben looked at his uncle and took him almost his whole power to fight back the urge to confess everything he did. He was now torn between two Masters, and he did not know whom to choose to follow.


	6. There is no Chaos, there is Harmony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: On February 8th I have my last exam and, as promised, I will start writing again afterwards . Stay tuned!

_The fire was burning out alive the last of the survivors. Screams of terror were the proof of an unmerciful end of an era. Invalid people, with cut off limbs, were begging for their suffering to stop by being allowed to die, but that monster was not going to allow it. Keeping them alive and in agony, making them feel even the smallest area of their body how it was being destroyed to the bone, meant one's satisfaction and another’s disgust._

 

Kylo woke up covered in sweat and sick to his stomach. The night terrors never stopped, they were there to remind him of his and Snoke’s doings in the infamous night at the Temple. The guilt was unbearable for him and Supreme Leader knew it and took advantage of it. There was no better way than for his apprentice to constantly have those nightmares which would slowly strip him off of empathy for his own victims and turn him into a merciless puppet. There was too much of Skywalker in him but without a properly father figure in his life, Snoke would be the one to replace that hole in the boy's heart. Worse was the fact that Kylo had no idea about it, he was too naive to see through his new Master's deception and lies but he never offered him his complete trust either.

 

_“You were like a brother for me, Ben. Why? Just Why?” It was Daenov, his only friend during training at the Jedi Temple and the only one who actually tried to understand his hopes and dreams, even if he didn’t fully succeed. “This is not how you will achieve your goals! This is how you will kill them and with them, my best friend as well! Please, stop this while you can...” Daenov had his eyes filled with tears and a broken heart caused by betrayal._

_“You don’t understand, do you? If I don’t do this, he will go after my family! Better to know them that they hate me but are alive!” Ben was desperate. “I know you will never join me, but please, run away, save yourself. If I don’t kill you, he will and he will torture you prior to that like he did with the others.” Daenov looked at his friend and saw the Light in his eyes as well as the emotional torture he was made to endure._

_“No.” He said after a long silence. “My loyalty stays with your uncle.” He then fell on his knees in front of Ben. “I want you to be the one to take my life away. You were right, I can never join you because it stands against the code I follow. For me there is no chaos, there is harmony, and I made peace with my death. But you are not lost yet. Follow your heart and be the one to put an end to the era of war that there is to come. Your enemies are neither Light or Dark, but those that abuse the Force for personal gains.”_

_Ben couldn’t believe his eyes. They always had each other's back, he was the only one he confessed to his wrong doings and he wasn’t judged for it. His emotions were overwhelming him. Daenov felt it, grabbed him by his wrist and began meditating, transmitting the flow of the Force through Ben. It had a calming effect on him, the Light was there to protect and guide his way without asking anything back, unlike the Dark that was shredding his soul apart if he didn’t give in to the urge of killing. And then he understood that both had each other’s back for one last time. Daenov and Ben looked at each other, pained and with tearful eyes as a form of farewell while the swift movements of Ben’s other hand took away his dear friend's life by the strike of the lightsaber through his chest. Daenov’s lifeless hand loosened his grip and fell on the ground along his body as the magic of the Force ended, taking away the state of serenity that Ben had. Instead, a violent realisation of the gravity of his doings and all the previous feelings of torment and guilt crashed down over his mind, making him scream and cry like never before. His grief was so unbearable that even the nature around him reacted to his emotions, becoming as lifeless as the body laying at his feet. Ben fell on his knees and embraced the dead body of his friend that was mercilessly killed by a monster. His heart was breaking apart and was losing his breath over the tears that were shed straight from his soul. Daenov’s body faded away in the end, meaning that his training was complete and he was a true Jedi at the moment of his death. Ben did not want to carry on with his life anymore, he wanted to join his friend, but the truth was that they would never meet anymore. He was lost far too much in the Dark side to deserve redemption from the Force or so he thought. Ben’s mood was slowly changing, his sorrow slowly replaced with a feeling he never experienced before, that of thirst for revenge. His friend did not die in vain and he would avenge his death even if it meant to kill anyone, including his former Master. Daenov sacrificed himself for Ben with his loyalties to Luke without knowing that the same man tried to kill his own nephew, that it was the blindness and arrogance of his own uncle at fault for unleashing the dawn of the Jedi. And he was not going to forgive it._

_Ben got up and ran back to the Temple that was already burning to its core. Snoke was inside, torturing the poor souls of the remaining victims that were still alive. Their limbs were cut off and they were begging for their suffering to stop by being allowed to die, but that monster was not going to allow it. Keeping them alive and in agony, making them feel even the smallest area of their body how it was being destroyed to the bone, meant one's satisfaction and another’s disgust. Ben no more had any compassion for the victims, they were all followers of his uncle, they were all dying for him and he wasn’t even there to watch them suffer. He was hiding like a fool that he is, a coward, an abomination of the Jedi Order and his nephew was there to make sure that his reign would come to an end._

_“Please... kill me...” A disfigured girl begged him for mercy and he offered it by decapitating her. “With pleasure.”_

_“No!!! What are you doing???” Another apprentice yelled while he was crawling on the floor in a far corner to avoid the flames. He wasn’t spared either by the fury of his former colleague._

_“Run!! Everybody run!!” This was one hell of a coward and he was never worthy of the Force. From the distance, Ben used for the first time his newly learned ability, the Force choke, taught by the deceased Revan. The flow of the power of the Dark gave him a feeling of electricity running through his veins. It was like a drug, he wanted to feel it more, it was so satisfying and addictive and he didn’t even care that he was suffocating the poor boy. No, it was impossible to stop, this power was irresistible and he didn’t fight it back. Once his victim gave out his last breath, that sensation disappeared and left instead a void in him, one that would be filled again with another killing._

_“AAAAHHH NOOOO PLEASE, NOT ANYMORE!!!” This was one of Snoke's victims. Ben did not recognize her, she was already burned beyond death point but his Master kept her alive. He didn’t want to see it anymore, he was disgusted so he chose to snap her neck instead. She deserved a quick death after a prolonged torture._

_“We beg you, spare us and we will join you.” It was a group of five apprentices of age close to his, unharmed yet by Snoke. They kept their heads down, not daring to look up in Ben's fiery eyes. “Look at these cowards, betraying the teachings they stood for and joining the winning side just so they can live. They don’t deserve their life another minute more!” he thought, but Snoke stopped him right before he was ready to send them to the path of an eternal sleep._

_“Don’t. We need people like them. Their loyalty may be questionable, but right now, they can be powerful allies for you. For us.”_

 

It was the same memory that came back in his dreams over and over again. Every time it hurt him greater than the last time because instead of giving up on his humanity, he was even more aware of it. He was forced to be the leader of five traitors that chose to save themselves instead of suffering an honourable death and in search for a man who is as good as dead for the Jedi concept. Pathetic.


	7. There is no Death, there is the Force

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, my beautiful readers, for patiently waiting on me to finish my exams in order to continue this story.  
> "May the Force be with you!"  
> Enjoy!

“Look, we can deal with this. We will take it on debt.”

“Again? I don’t think so. This is your 54th time, to be more specific, when you buy on debt from me. It is not going to happen again. Also, the money you owe me, either you give it to me now or I will eat for dinner fried human meat. It’s tasty, especially if it comes from low lives people like you.”

Both, the man and the woman froze at the sound of Unkar Plutt’s words. They did not want to end up on that crolute’s plate. They had to think of a way to get the money fast. In those mere seconds of silence, their thoughts were either from where to steal the money they owed or how to run far away from that place as soon as possible.

“Well? What do you choose?” Unkar disturbed their heroic train of scrambled thoughts. The woman suddenly had a revelation. She dared to take the word and said:

“How about a trade?” Her lips were trembling, heart racing and mouth drier than the desert outside.

“Don’t make me laugh. You have nothing valuable that could bring me any benefit.” He was already losing his patience.

“Our daughter. Rey. She will be in your service in the exchange for the forgiveness of debt. Please. We have no other way of paying you, we got no income and we don’t know anyone rich enough to steal from around this place. We are all poor. Maybe you will give her a better life than we did.” The woman had tears in eyes but it was all she could of think of. She needed that alcohol, and so did the man, it was all that made them happy those days. Their lives were indeed too miserable to care for anything else anymore.

Rey was standing in the same room, watching her parents give her away like an unwanted piece of cloth and she knew she could not stop it. It was the past. At first, she hoped it wouldn’t affect her, but she did not understand why she was seeing this. When Kylo first told her that she was sold for drinking money, she did not believe him. She just did not want to believe him. But he was right and if it hurt her greatly before, now it was tearing her apart because he told the truth. Rey was crying uncontrollably because she always hoped that it was all a mistake, that somehow her parents will arrive one day back on Jakku and get her back. Reunite with them. She even kept the same hairstyle for so many years… just so they can recognize her.

 _I don’t want to see this anymore!_ Her wish was granted and the scene faded to black. She was wondering what she will see next, if it will be again about Kylo and his past or find out answers to questions she never asked before.

“Look, we can deal with this. We will take it on debt.”

“Again? I don’t think so. This is your 54th time, to be more specific, when you buy on debt from me. It is not going to happen again. Also, the money you owe me, either you give it to me now or I will eat for dinner fried human meat. It’s tasty, especially if it comes from low lives people like you.”

 _What? This is the same! I don’t want see this!_ It hurt her, she wanted to be out of that miserable memory, she didn’t want to think about it anymore. Again, her wish being granted, the scene faded once more to black, only to start all over again.

“Look, we can deal with this. We will take it on debt.”

_NO!_

“Again? I don’t think so. This is your 54th time, to be more specific, when you buy on debt from me. It is not going to happen again. Also, the money you owe me, either you give it to me now or I will eat for dinner fried human meat. It’s tasty, especially if it comes from low lives people like you.”

_Why do I have to keep seeing this, I hate it! I saw enough! Please… No more…_

“Well? What do you choose?”

“How about a trade?”

 _WHY DID YOU SELL ME? WHY??? WHY DID YOU GIVE ME AWAY SO EASILY?? I WAS YOUR DAUGHTER!!_ Rey was screaming at her mother, but nobody heard her pain.

“Don’t make me laugh. You have nothing valuable that could bring me any benefit.” He was already losing his patience.

“Our daughter. Rey. She will be in your service in the exchange for the forgiveness of debt. Please. We have no other way of paying you, we got no income and we don’t know anyone rich enough to steal from around this place. We are all poor. Maybe you will give her a better life than we did.”

 _MONSTERS! You loved alcohol more than you loved me… And sold me… Like I was nothing. Like I was a nobody… I am a nobody…_ Her voice was slowly fading, replaced by sobs. It was pure torture.

“Look, we can deal with this. We will take it on debt.”

“Again? I don’t think so. This is your 54th time, to be more specific, when you buy on debt from me. It is not going to happen again. Also, the money you owe me, either you give it to me now or I will eat for dinner fried human meat. It’s tasty, especially if it comes from low lives people like you.”

_Is this broken? I don’t want to see it anymore I said!_

“Look, we can deal with this. We will take it on debt.”

_FUCK THIS! I want out! I saw what I had to see, now let me out!_

“Look, we can deal with this. We will take it on debt.”

_Is this a joke of the Force? This is already getting on my nerves! Why do I have to keep seeing this? Just so I can hurt? Congratulations, dear Force of the Universe, I already do! What more do you want?_

“Again? I don’t think so. This is your 54th time, to be more specific, when you buy on debt from me. It is not going to happen again. Also, the money you owe me, either you give it to me now or I will eat for dinner fried human meat. It’s tasty, especially if it comes from low lives people like you.”

 _And I hope you somehow cooked them good in the end because that’s all they deserved!_ She was feeling hatred for who she once called her parents. For all the time she spent thinking they will come back to her. For all the food portions she saved for them because she always imagined that when they will meet again, she will gift them those, showing that she cared and missed them all this time. She never felt this way before; her emotions were the ones guiding her and to a darker path but she did not ask anymore for it to end. This time she wanted to see the nightmare until the end, no matter how miserable it made her feel.

“Well? What do you choose?”

“How about a trade?”

“Don’t make me laugh. You have nothing valuable that could bring me any benefit.” He was already losing his patience.

“Our daughter. Rey. She will be in your service in the exchange for the forgiveness of debt. Please. We have no other way of paying you, we got no income and we don’t know anyone rich enough to steal from around this place. We are all poor. Maybe you will give her a better life than we did.”

“Deal. One more scavenger, more profit to me as well. Now get me the girl and I do not wish to ever see any of you again afterwards.”

Both parents bowed before Unkar with the utmost humiliation. Hate was boiling through Rey’s veins and she instinctively reached out for her lightsaber. For a moment she thought it to be just an irrational act because she was aware her lightsaber was destroyed. But it was there this time. She was relieved to have it because what she was about to do defied any logic she thought she had, any feeling she ever felt before. When the woman turned around, Rey got out her lightsaber, pointed it in her mother’s chest direction and then turned it on. It was all in the impulse of the moment, she just had to get it out of her system, knowing it will not affect anything, that she cannot even interact with the surroundings. But to her surprise, her mother, with wide opened eyes, looked straight in Rey’s, cupping her daughter’s cheek with her hand. It was that one last look that made Rey look down at her hand, but it wasn’t right. She was wearing a black leather glove and it wasn’t her lightsaber, it was Kylo’s. And when she looked back up, it wasn’t her mother anymore, it was Han Solo and she was his murderer. _It’s just a vision, it’s just a vision, none of this is real._ Rey was scared and she didn’t understand much of what was going on. She was back at the Starkiller Base but it was supposed to be Kylo the one that killed Han, no her. Something wasn’t right. While she was watching the man fall in the abyss of death, suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her right arm. It was burning her so much, it almost made her lose her breath. She tried to take off her glove to see what was happening, but her hands were trembling too much and palms were too slippery from sweating.

The scene changed again, now she was in a bedroom she had never seen before but she assumed to be on a ship, belonging probably to the First Order by the design of it. There was a tall mirror on the wall and she walked towards. Her heart stood still when she looked at herself. Dressed up in clothes similar of Kylo’s, all black and with a gracious robe, the same black gloves and on her face, the same scar that Kylo himself had. She was trembling from fear, what did this all mean? She slowly took off her right glove and rolled up the sleeve. “MONSTER” was burned on the skin; it felt as a label, as a definition of her existence and it made her remember how she once called Kylo the same.

Rey’s self-pity was interrupted by a man’s voice whom she recognized immediately and made her turn around, only to see him stand in front of her quite close, but in an intimidating manner.

“Words hurt, don’t they?”

“I… I am sorry… I…”

“Save your excuses for people who care. I don’t.”

“Ben…”

“That name is as dead as my father. Or even better, as dead as your parents.”

“Kylo, I’m really sorry for everything. I don’t know what else to say. I am at loss of words. I shouldn’t even be, you’re not even real, I’m probably talking with myself, nothing in here is real, just memories and I don’t even know what this is. I’m stuck in here and I want to get out, this journey was a nightmare for me.” Rey was talking fast, but indeed with herself, because she wasn’t looking at Kylo. As if he wasn’t even there, let it be real or not. But the man took off his glove and gently grabbed her chin with his hand, forcing her to look up at him, in his eyes.

“You wanted the truth and now you have it. They brainwashed your head with me being the bad one, the irredeemable, the curse, the atrocity of this Galaxy and you blindly followed empty words like a fool. Could it be stupidity inherited by genetics or just lack of experience? Soon you will find out the truth about the Resistance and what your role in there really is. But you will not have an alternative, you will not have an escape anymore. You don’t know them like I do! My mother is on her death bed and I will never be able to go to her funeral. And once she is dead, you will see their true faces because she was the only one with a different point of view. This is why she was silently hated and nobody answered her help call when Luke Force-projected himself in my last battle with him.”

Rey’s eyes were filled with tears, those words hurt and confused her. And his hand, the way he was holding her chin, made him look so closely, yet so far away from her soul. The man was hurting and so was she.

“I offered you a chance to join me.” He continued. “Instead, you chose them. Enjoy now the times that are to come because I promise you, you will beg for my forgiveness and I will not be there to offer it to you.”

And once more, everything disappeared in the unknown.

 

* * *

 

**Waves. Breeze. Heart-ache. Despair. Emptiness.**

Rey opened her eyes. She was back on the island, back on Ahch-To, back to reality. _But how?_ It was night time and she was laying on the ground by the entrance of the cave. She crawled back, afraid not to enter it again even by mistake. _How did I get out?_ She instinctively turned around her head and her heart stood still again when she saw a black cloak fading away in the darkness of the night. She reached out after him with her hand and wanted to call after him, but she couldn’t.

Something stopped her, a force beyond her power to fight, and so she remained as silent as the cold, dead night.


	8. Ink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a promise to you, my readers, even if I am updating slowly the chapters, I am still working on the story. Unfortunately, health issues made sure to keep me back from writing for a while and for that I sincerely apologise.

_I began this journey thinking that somehow I fit in this whole story and maybe I do but... I don’t know how. When I arrived the second time on Ahch-To I thought I had a stable start, that I knew the difference between good and evil and did the right thing by turning my back on Kylo. But is it so? My mind tells me not to listen to what I have witnessed in the cave but my heart tells me otherwise. I am **conflicted**. My dear reader, whether I shall be walking the right or the wrong path, remember that I decided to document my journey from now on for two reasons:_

  
_1\. I must remain sane in an insane world_  
_2\. I do not know if I will survive this war or for how long, but I want you to find out the untamed truth about a journey not of a hero but of a broken soldier, a small pawn that hopes one day will make a difference on the outcome._

  
_When this war will be over, lies will be fed off to people, no matter who wins. Other legends will be born, other villains, other failures... as it happened already and it is a cycle that will never end because it is in our existence to ask for a balance instead of eradicating one of the sides. Kylo Ren, the almighty villain in this whole story, told me a truth I just now learned that I should of listened to: not to join any side. How this young man can be a villain in everybody’s eyes if his heart is as conflicted as mine? I have **felt** it. My feelings of hatred are long forgotten and are now replaced with compassion, sadness and guilt. Maybe it is just the effect of the visions but for the first time in my life, when he stood in front of me, I felt myself complete... like it was the exact place I had to be and nowhere else. _

  
_This is where I get totally lunatic for a second and admit that I miss his presence. I know it sounds bad, wake up, Rey, he’s the bad guy. And I’m smiling now as I write these words, but it is a bitter one because I do not believe so. My feelings went places since I was brought back from that cave... and deep down in my soul, I pray that the shadow figure I saw was him. My mind screamed after him but my lips were sealed. And I regret every second of it whenever I come to think about that moment. I wanted to apologise for everything that happened in his past, for everything that he had to go through, for my own foolishness to not think of both sides, but just mine. I was **SELFISH**!!! And I regret every moment of it. He's not here to know it and it slowly and painfully kills me. _

  
_I feel **stuck**. I cannot move on from this place. I am not a Jedi at heart, but I know I am a warrior. I am not going to take sides anymore, I will retreat probably here and abandon all of my hope but that feels so wrong... why doesn’t the Resistance feel like home anymore? Kylo mentioned that I do not know them like he does..._

  
Rey took a break from writing to think for a moment and a thought suddenly crossed her mind like a revelation.

  
_What if the Resistance is just using me and my powers? All of the friendships I formed? Fake. Maybe there is a special bond between me and Kylo and they want to exploit it by me destroying him. How would that be? Fucked up if you ask my opinion. It’s just a thought that crossed my mind and I’m hoping it’s not the case but nevertheless, I chose to write it down._

  
_My dear reader, one of the hardest lessons I learned is to **never trust grand stories about anyone**. Seriously. They are just lies. Luke Skywalker, the legend of the Jedi, the most powerful of them all was actually the biggest coward I have met in my life. He attempted murder on his own nephew based on a voice in his head and he barely tried to fight it. When he failed, he chose to abandon everything and come live on Ahch-To, create a mysteriously puzzled map that made no sense if he didn’t want to be found and chose to live his life in a completely peaceful environment. Oh, and I don’t want to forget this, but he enjoyed drinking blue milk in a manner I am ashamed to write down to you because you will think I am making it all up. Now, I would not do him any justice to say that his lessons weren’t helpful in my journey because I would be lying. But same as his nephew, I sensed conflict in him and most importantly, **shame**. Maybe I will find more one day and I will make sure to write down all the details, maybe you will see more to the story than I did. _

  
_Hopefully, when you read this, there will be peace because I was born in war and in war I might die, but for a better future I fight. This should suffice for today otherwise I might drag you down along with me in a depressive state of mind I can’t seem to get out of. Because, for the moment, I feel... **useless**._


	9. ANNOUNCEMENT

** OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT  **

 

Dear readers,

 

Thank you for the support that you have showed me along while writing this Fan fiction. And I assure you that it still is going on, but I decided to stop posting the chapters one by one in here anymore. I am still working on this story and it is really turning out what to be what I expected, but I do think that it is a better option to just drop it off all at once, the first book of the Infernum series. All the announcements will be given here. Thank you for staying with me, my dears.

 

Love,

_Enalith_


End file.
